mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
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