yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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