hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
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she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
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