I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
I seem to have left my pride at pride
lets start a swedish sibling band together
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
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