First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
Randomize
