i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Randomize
