You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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