Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Randomize
