jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
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