cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
