Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
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