Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Randomize
