Why are handjobs necessary in class?
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
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Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
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