Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Randomize
