Redeem this text for a blowjob
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
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