90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
Randomize
