And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
