On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
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