i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
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