I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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