At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
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