Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
Whatcha textin bout Willis?
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
Randomize
