If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
it's great music for shaving your balls
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I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
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I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
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