and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
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