I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
