sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
Randomize
