You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Randomize
