he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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