My friends, they love my intelligence
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
