It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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