help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
