I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
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