i was born a porn star she said
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
Everclear isn't food dammit
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