Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
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