So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
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