I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize
