im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
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