During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
I think weed is turning my hair brown
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
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