Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
If that guy asks u bout me, I said my name is Jenelle, from CT, I'm a cat behiavor consultant and I'm 29. Back my story up
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
Randomize
