She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
Let's get the cat blown out
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Randomize