Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
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