Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
Houston, we have a blender
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
Randomize
