M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
Randomize
