I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Randomize
