Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
Randomize
