ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize
