He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
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