I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
Randomize
