Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Randomize
