Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Randomize
