I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize
