Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
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