sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
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