some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
false alarm. still invincible.
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
17 year olds will be the death of me.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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