i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
