just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
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