bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Randomize
