i just had sex bonerless
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
