Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Randomize
