you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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