i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
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