fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
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