I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
Randomize