I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
I am never drinking with the goths again.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize
