yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
Randomize
