But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
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