True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
