This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
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