I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
Randomize