paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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