So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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