he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
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