I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
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