He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Randomize
