What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
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