Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
operation have a gay friend backfired
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
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