dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
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